One, Two, Three, Four
The Duke!
Last time was at the Olympia in 1958.
Thanks for the invitation.
But what is this?
This isn't Duke Ellington. It's Duck Ellington!
What?
Here.
Here's good.
Calm down! You'll knock my door down! What?
Mrs. Miroux...
No, she's not here.
But I...
That door won't last!
I... Stephane...
Stephane, is it you?
Ivana?
You're back!
Let me look at you.
Oh, those eyes! You're almost a man now.
I'll help. Your keys...
Your poor father...
I hope we'll see more of your mother now.
See? Nothing's changed.
There we are.
Do you recognize it?
I'm glad the place'll be lived in.
There's a message.
Your mom should see to the mail.
Sorry I couldn't pick you up. Gerard was sick all night.
Here's the address for your job tomorrow.
At 10:00 AM, see Mr. Pouchet
at the Latreille Company.
They're a good firm.
30 Rue de Marseille at Republique.
I can't wait to see you.
What's the job?
- Illustrations. - For calendars?
Yes, Wanna see?
No time. I have the stairs to clean.
I'll leave you to it. Bye.
Goodbye. Thanks.
Oh, I can't believe you're back!
Stephane,
it's your first day here. You gotta choose sides.
So, two possibilities: a couple of fags.
How can we be gay if we're opposite sexes?
A matter of mentality.
I'm Guy, ex-battleship salesman,
filmsetter and ladykiller.
I'll show you the ropes.
I can do that, too.
I'm Martine. I'm in charge
of the very popular ski weekend.
Serge, Martine's assistant,
The ski weekend is excellent for team spirit.
Ski?
No, sorry...
Ski to me... No, thanks.
So...
It's boring, but it's easy.
The calendar has two parts.
The bottom: the months and nude girls.
- slowly. - A redhead with a big bush.
We don't do this part. We do the boring bit:
the name of the cretin who sends out this crappy calendar.
so...
when you get a file, you open it.
This text come from the typesetting machine.
Typesetting?
This revolting machine is the typesetter.
This glue...
You understand?
No.
My mother told me... She said...
that my job is...
Do you speak Spanish?
No, hombre. No parla todo espagnolito at all.
Fuck, an artist! He won't last.
Yeah, but no.
It sucks.
So, Courchevel or Maribel?
Dunno.
- Beat it! - Screw you!
Mexico City.
Disasterology!
Look at yourself. It ain't the pampas here!
You shave with toast?
What's "shave toasty"?
Oh, you little asshole!
You OK, Honey? How was yesterday?
Did it go badly?
My job is shit! A piece of shit!
Mom... I glue paper in a basement all day!
Your paintings...
They don't need a graphic designer.
But Pouchet said...
No, not true! Not true!
You lied to get me back here.
I won't stay another day!
That's not nice. Come see us on Wednesday.
Big hugs, darling.
No, Mam... Mama. Mama!
See how cute you were.
Oh, shit!
What're you doing?
I've gone through.
The mezzanine goes on this wall.
No, head pointing north. It's feng shui.
Isn't that north?
And the door? You come in, hit a beam...
None of your sushi crap. You're a danger with a drill.
Wait! My back! I'm carrying all the weight.
Is your end heavier?
Yeah, the deep notes are always heavier.
Go past, mister, if you like.
My end's heavier.
OK? You got it or not?
Thanks, mister.
Jeez!
Who's that guy you brought?
You OK?
You hurt yourself?
Look at the mess you made!
You're not professionals! I don't believe it!
Does it hurt now?
OK, and here?
Yes, a little.
No, I don't have... much lucky in the current.
What?
That... I...
No... My French is pathetic.
Got some cream, Stephanie?
- Maybe over there. - I'll get it.
Thanks for the hole.
My asshole landlady's next door.
Screw her!
What's that? No!
- It's good. - Very funny!
There.
That's enough!
You're pretty cool for...
It's better parked.
- OK? - We'll see.
Forget C major. E's busted.
I'll try C minor. It's sadder.
Major chords won't work.
Congratulations, great!
Quiet, he's hurt.
- Let's go. - Use the break next time.
Bye.
Look, it's funny.
Stop it! It's not funny.
He doesn't understand.
Don't make fun of people in my home.
Thanks a lot for the hand.
And sorry for the piano.
With your stupid lies
we look like two dumb bitches.
It'd be cool to be an art director.
We'd get into gigs free and get paid, too.
Gigs are boring. You put me to shame.
What?
Let's go to Momo's as usual
- What do you weigh? - 110 lbs
Come here!
Don't start again, Guy!
Don't screw around!
Get me out! Come on, it's on me!
Who are the fags?
Hold his hand, too!
And you just watch!
Next time I'll leave you in the trash, weakling!
- Momo's, then? - No, I'll eat alone
God, I'm so dumb.
Bye.
Prevention's better than cure.
A bird in the hand...
...is worth my bush!
Mezzanine, yes, mezzanine.
Thanks.
No, no, Martine. Martine, no. No, no.
Dear Stephanie...
Iway ouldshay...
Iway ouldshay say... dear neighbor...
Yes, yo read it good...
I have lady next door...
I'm too confuse in fact with my hand accidented on the piano
and lied you... feel myself guilty.
I want confess
No, no, no.
I too confuse in fact with my hand accidented...
Holy fuck!
2:37 PM. As of this afternoon,
late is the same as absent.
We must tell Pouchet. Right, Guy?
Mistakes shouldn't go unpunished.
Why do my armpits smell
like sperm? Very Strange.
What do you think?
Guy's making me smell the sperm!
Excuse me.
Guy...
What makes you think you can do that?
No one else can work this shitty machine!
And... Stephane?
OK...
Damn!
- Martine... - Yes?
Start again You've lost me.
Well, I was sleeping
dreaming of a praying mantis
fighting with a turtle, but the turtle
had a silver shell
like a CD but in a hump, a shell.
And they fought over an elephant...
Not that Tell the next part.
So I wake up because...
I hear a freaky sound at the front door.
I turn on the light.
This is my favorite bit.
Stephane who twisted his hand
is butt-naked in the hall.
Stephane who helped you move in is your neighbor.
My landlady's son.
OK...
But tell me...
Remember the letter What did it say?
I told you, it was gobbledygook It went...
What did he mean?
What do you think?
Neighbor, you're swell but your friend rings my bell.
No way!
Why doesn't he know you know he's your neighbor?
He doesn't know I read it.
Straight after Cap'n Hook got it back.
A change of heart
Holy fuck!
But why did he lie about his address?
Why did you lie about the job?
Look, I'll give him your number you ask him.
I've got a guy, remember?
You tease others.
How dare you say that!
I'm no prick-tease! You take that back!
If you can't stop fighting don't be friends.
Stephanie stock taking.
We're exchanging ideas not fighting.
Big difference.
So, Miroux, Ornano... Miroux, Caulaincourt...
Miroux, Rue Labat Bingo!
It's ringing
Go on take it!
Take it!
Stephane Miroux?
In French it's more fun!
I'm with Zoe and we were wondering
if you had any other optical illusions.
Op-ticklish illusions?
Now, now!
He's got nerve!
Bye.
It matches your green eyes.
Bullshit!
You can't wear the same jeans for ages!
- I'll look ridiculous - No!
He's going down.
What a dumb-ass!
Eight of hearts.
Ace of spades
One, two, three!
Hey, bottoms up!
Who is this guy?
Zoe?
No, wrong address! Next door...
I was told you were pretty.
Oh, yeah?
Not prick-teases I hope?
No, we have sex, too!
- Do the tablecloth one! - Not tonight.
Go on.
Oh, shit! I told you.
It takes preparation.
- Imagine! - It's not funny.
Thanks for my dinner.
Why didn't you go to work today?
- I did - Pouchet phoned.
I did, Mom!
I worked all day... in my dream
I'm very tired.
Since he was 6 he's inverted dream and reality.
He'd be in bed vomit all over
sure his hand were like tower blocks.
Houses, Mom Not towers
Dreams are very tiring They have cycles.
You got slow-wave sleep, deep sleep...
He must be in love.
Have you met someone?
Stephane? Stephane?
Love extrapolates your REM.
Oh, OK...
Your eyes follow your dream movements.
If you walk downstairs, say
your eyes go down Turn right-the eyes go right.
It's in your dream
your eyes are walking.
Okay?
Okay.
- Hallelujah! - Hallelujah!
It's a pain!
Stephane Miroux. Stephane Miroux.
Stephane Miroux.
Go now.
Something wrong?
Will you manage all those files?
A heart that sighs has not what it desires
Must be love.
Give him a break He doesn't want to talk.
Maybe the feeling's not mutual.
Maybe she's with somebody.
Shit!
You're so heavy, you two!
Stephane, tell the companieros they're so heavios.
A sloping lake!
You take her from behind on the side of the bed.
Oh, I'll try that.
You pigs! Stop it!
Serge.
Two months later
Of course.
Two months later
He's shy He only speaks French to me.
Stephanie.
Let me kiss you You're a good person.
You sure, Mrs. Miroux? He said nothing bad about me?
No, nothing I choose my tenants carefully.
So, what do you think?
I adore it!
Really? I've always found it rather strange.
That's what's good
- I like the colors. - Unusual.
Not very cheerful!
Six months ago a strange came to see me
with a terrible accent and a dumb project.
The world and myself weren't ready for it.
We've leaped forward into absurdity.
And I regret to say our new calendar
Disasterology by Mr Stephane Miroux
is a huge success!
In French.
No, in English, Mom.
Oh, damn!
That needs an explanation.
Look who's woken up.
Have a drink. Your mom's feeling down.
She needs comforting. She's moving back in.
That calls for a drink. Come on.
Not exactly a triumph.
It's outrageous to attack the hospital staff. Appalling!
Well, it's a big letdown for our charming nurses
who go beyond the call of duty with a wet T-shirt contest...
Asshole! Dumb asshole!
- Let's take our mind off it - The TV?
You wanna fight?
Over there! It'll make a better splash.
One, two, three!
Are you crazy?
It isn't a garbage dump!
TV's garbage anyways!
It is garbage, but that's no reason...
Maybe the fish enjoy that craps!
- Really? - Yeah.
The office is boring! You can't leave me here.
The stupid bitch!
Not stupid bitch!
What was that?
No, wait...
I'll cover for you.
But if you don't screw her or at least kiss here
with tongues a real French kiss
a tongue kiss...
- I won't speak to you again! - Okay.
Bye!
Bye...
If he carries on he'll leave before he arrives.
Maybe he works backwards.
He brags with his calendar.
I sent him on an errand.
You fuckin' dykes!
Now that's enough.
Being called fags is one thing but dykes is unacceptable.
Still hurting?
Careful...
It's much better.
I'll tell the office you're sick.
We'll have a nice, quiet day, OK?
Mom?
I'm sorry I went with dad when he left.
That's OK
Thank you.
- I'll come to the airport. - No need.
I can't just leave you.
It's OK, really I'll call you from Mexico.
Go speak to her. Do it for me.
No... I don't want to, now
Don't be ridiculous.
You can't go without saying goodbye.
I feel stupid now.
You don't know what happened. You go on and on.
Stephane this. Stephane that.
Shut the door.
I like your tits. It erects me in my pants.